7:00PM @ T-flats in Trinity
(10900 FL-54, New Port Richey, FL 34655)
7:00PM @ the Taylor’s in Concord Station
(18019 Glastonbury Ln. LOL, FL 34638)
QUESTIONS FOR THIS WEEK
(READ BEFORE YOU ARRIVE)
Ice Breaker: Which TV marriage would you rather have and why? Raymond & Debra (Everybody Loves Raymond), Phil & Claire (Modern Family), Ross & Rachel (Friends), Jim and Pam (the Office)...?
How have the following affected your expectations going into marriage? With each one, have you tried to copy OR avoid this picture of marriage? A) What you have seen on TV. B) What you have read in books or magazines. C) What you have seen in other homes. D) What it was like in your home growing up.
Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t measure up—that you just couldn’t meet the expectations you felt were placed upon you? Maybe this occurred with your parents, your spouse, your boss or someone else. How did this affect the relationship?
When expectations collide, which of the following best describes you? A) You leave, you distance yourself. B) You conquer, you try to change the other person. C) You conform, you try to be like them. D) You compromise, you try to work it out so that you both “win.” What are the downsides to each of these reactions?
We tend to think of compromise as the best of these approaches; however, compromise is really just a commitment to marriage rather than a commitment to our partner. Compromise is still a commitment to getting your own way (at least some of the time). Have you seen this dynamic in your marriage?
Expectations create a debt / debtor relationship. It becomes about what your spouse “owes” you. It also squeezes love out of the marriage. Why?
Expectations begin as desires—desires that God put in us. We were all born with desires for respect, admiration, companionship, acceptance, intimacy, sex and love, among others. It is when we turn desires into expectations that we begin to turn our marriage from a covenant relationship to a contract relationship. Are you guilty of either of these symptoms of shifting desires to expectations? Explain. A) A lack of expressing gratitude—you complain about something not getting done but rarely thank your spouse when it does get done. B) A lack of acts of service—you see something that needs to be done and do nothing about it is because you expect someone else to do it.
The first step in transforming your expectations is to identify them. This week identify your current expectations for marriage. Answer this question: what do you feel like your spouse owes you?
Meditate and journal on the following verses this week: 1 Peter 3:1-2 and 3:7; 1 Peter 5:6-7; Ephesians 5:33. How do these apply to your marriage?